His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
