I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
