how can u be prego again
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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