Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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