and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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