i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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