I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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