Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
