my mouth tastes like poor choices
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
