I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
