not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize