Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
