porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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