I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
