take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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