mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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