He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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