All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
