these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
