Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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