She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
