I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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