youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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