I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
