I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
where am i from again
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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