you guys were way drunker than both of me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
