we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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