o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
