So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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