I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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