I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
