Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
