you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
