If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
