I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
