the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry about my life...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
