you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
