Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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