Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
