weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
