i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
