Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
