My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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