cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
