you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
