i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
