there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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