I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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