I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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