Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
