Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
