I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
