Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
