when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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