Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
