it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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