I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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