How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
