so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
