I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
