So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
