i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm always down for nudity.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
