She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
