I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
