he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
