do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
