Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have aggressive nipples.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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