i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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