This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
