im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
