So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
