WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
