Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
